Student Reflections: Reagan Martin
The waves are lapping at my feet, sun warm on my skin and I hear the squeals and laughter of children. I’m sitting in stupor at the wonder of God’s imagination and creation, marveling that He designed the ocean with all its complexities and creatures and decided to design me and my story. As I sit in pure bliss on the beach, completely content and pondering life, I can’t help but reminisce on my year with TAP (and totally not get misty eyed in the process…)
How can one even begin to put words to paper what pure transformation and freedom looks like? Never in my life have I been so at peace, holistically healthy, and free. Free from fear about what’s next, free from the boxes I’ve put myself in and free from shame we all find ourselves in. I suddenly found myself in a family unit of strangers who have never felt more like home. Each gifting me with wisdom and silly moments that I will forever hold dear to my heart.
Steven taught me how to jump. I’ve always been the person who prefers to observe, hesitant to step into a new group or situation. Our first Quake hit me like a storm, and I quite frankly have never been so afraid of teenagers. Everything about the situation was terrifying to me. From dancing in public, production and putting up lights, to public speaking. Literally my worst nightmare all in one weekend. It was our first Friday night and I was finally facing the dreaded fear of dancing in public, (silly I know, but at the time it was an insurmountable mountain to me) and Steven looked at me and shouted, “what are you waiting for?!” Dragging me in with an overdramatized wave to the front of the crowd. Steven is my chaos coordinator and I’ve never been so grateful for someone who consistently sees my fear and still takes my hand to drag me to leap, even if I am occasionally surly in the process.
Austin has taught me how to live joyfully, full of love for life, people and new experiences. He has given me the gift of learning and trying new things with zero judgment. He patiently waits for me to figure out how to do an insurmountable task and we rejoice once we do. I know that he will never shame anyone for trying something, even if you fail miserably. He is and was always there for all of us. You can bring anything to him and he will cry then laugh with you. Austin is a great person to do life with; the epitome of a true, steadfast friend. Watching him experience life is what I imagine watching Jesus smile feels like. I have learned how to joyfully walk with the Lord from Austin.
Kayla showed me what it is to have a sister. I grew up with all brothers and truly never knew what sisterhood meant or could look like. She is my instigator, confidant and advocater. There is no one I’d rather chaos cook in the kitchen with, using every dish possible, singing at the top of our lungs, all the while annoying Austin who was trying to read quietly. She showed me the joy of late night soul conversations with a sister. Prayers while you’re crying, chocolate stashes to be shared and bickering like old ladies in a nursing home with nothing better to do. I love having a sister.
Being in community with The Awaken Project is like coming home to your family. God truly knew what is good and precious when he designed us for community. I love doing life with my people and I miss my family unit everyday we’re apart. This group of strangers unequivocally and wholeheartedly said yes to friendship with each other. We see each other; we know each other. To look at someone fully, head on, without judgment, hand in hand walking with God is a holy thing. Though I am sad that our year is over, I am rejoicing at knowing that this is just a glimpse of the goodness of God and what being in His presence is like. And I know that the family I have formed this year will always be my family. I love them so dearly and I will never stop praising God for them.